A personal reflection
I’m a Therapist. I Also Have Depression.
I sometimes forget my own therapist is human. So if it feels strange to hear that I’m a therapist who struggles with depression and anxiety, I get it.
I’ve dealt with both since I was young. I’ve been the person sitting across from a therapist, wondering whether any of this would help. I know what it’s like to keep showing up while quietly believing things won’t get better.
That experience is part of why I became a therapist.
When I didn’t have words for it
I remember one spring day in sixth grade. The sun was shining, but I felt a sense of dread that seemed to follow me everywhere. I dreaded school. I dreaded being home. I dreaded existing altogether.
I didn’t have words for what was happening, and I didn’t feel like I had anyone to tell. So I kept it to myself.
Over the next several years, things got worse. In high school, there were stretches when I stayed in bed and missed three or four days of school a week. I said I was sick, and people generally accepted that explanation.
I did well enough on tests and didn’t disrupt class. From the outside, there wasn’t much demanding anyone’s attention. Meanwhile, I was exhausted, barely sleeping, and struggling to get through the day.
At sixteen, I finally told a mentor. He helped me find a therapist and encouraged me to try medication.
I wish I could say that was when everything changed. It wasn’t.
Therapy initially felt like a waste of time, and I didn’t notice a difference from the medication. Asking for help had taken so much, and now I was doing what I was supposed to do without feeling better. I became even more frustrated and discouraged.
Still, I kept going. Some of that was stubbornness—a quality that hasn’t always served me well, but probably helped me here.
I remember a friend asking whether I could picture myself feeling happy someday.
My answer was immediate: “No.”
I wasn’t trying to be dramatic. I genuinely couldn’t imagine it.
Things started to change
After finishing high school and my post-high-school studies, I had more freedom over my life. I spent more time with friends, started working, and had more say in how I spent my days.
Exercise became a big part of my life, too. I threw myself into it with everything my scrawny, 135-pound self had.
I started feeling some relief.
I still slept poorly. Social situations could leave me overwhelmed with anxiety, and I still had periods of hopelessness. But after feeling terrible for so long, even a little improvement mattered.
It gave me an experience I hadn’t had much of: feeling different from how I’d felt before. I still wasn’t convinced more progress was possible, but I had something to build on.
Why I became a therapist
Seeing how much exercise helped me led me to become a personal trainer. I wanted other people to experience some of what it had given me.
Over time, I realized I wanted to work more directly with the emotional struggles that had shaped so much of my life. I went back to school, earned my master’s in social work, and became a therapist.
I still sometimes marvel that I get to do this for a living.
I know how much it can take to tell someone what’s really happening. I also know how discouraging it can be to try to explain yourself and leave feeling misunderstood.
When someone sits across from me, I take that seriously. I want to understand what their days are actually like, what they’ve tried, and what they need help changing.
My experience helps me connect with that struggle. My training helps me decide how to respond. And I keep listening, because someone else’s depression may feel very different from mine.
What this means for our work
Depression and anxiety are still part of my life. I have difficult days, and sometimes longer stretches. I continue to take care of my own mental health and get support.
I share this because I remember how alone I felt when I thought everyone else had figured out something I hadn’t.
In therapy, there’s room to say that you’re discouraged. That something hasn’t helped. That you’re tired of trying, or aren’t sure what you’re hoping for anymore.
We can start there.
We’ll work to understand what’s happening and what might help. That includes paying attention to your history and the patterns that keep coming up, while also working on what’s making life hard right now.
For me, improvement happened gradually. It included disappointments, things that helped a little, and changes I hadn’t expected. There was a time when I couldn’t picture feeling happy. I’m glad that prediction turned out to be wrong.
If you’re considering therapy, I offer a free 15-minute consultation. We can talk about what’s been happening, what you’re looking for, and whether working together feels like a good fit.